It’s not every day that a grown man wallows in his own regret and humility. But today, you get a special treat! While I’m not the type of man to admit defeat, I can pass the buck, as it were, and blame others for my shortcomings!
First, gotta blame my parents. They raised me as best they could. They were two very different people. One was a reserved, quiet, meek Thailander. The other was a boisterous, extroverted, life-of-the-party-type. So, while they did divorce when I was 4 or 5, they were still both involved in my life. I liken it to having two opposing ends of two magnets always pushing against each other, with a cute little, bowl-cut boy standing in the middle. Not that I remember my parents fighting or anything, I just have to imagine that two people so opposite each other would have to have some kind of negative effects on a kid! Look, I may be stretching a bit here, but I’ve really got to put some digging into this if I’m going to blame others for my shortcomings!
Second, I blame my little brother. Yes, it’s mostly more truer than not true that I was probably pretty hard on him. And yes, there’s more truthiness to the fact that I probably picked on him a lot than I would like there to be. But you all have to understand, I was making him a stronger person! Think of where he would be today if not for my constant bullying — wait! Wrong word usage there. I would rather like to call it, my constantly loving and encouragement. Think of where he would be today if were not for that! He’d be a quiet introvert. Keeping things in and shoving his frustrations deep, deep down inside of him and not showing emotion because he would have learned that showing emotion would simply get him picked on — wait! Lovingly encouraged by his big brother. Today, my little brother is a quiet introvert. Keeping things in and shoving his frustrations deep, deep down inside of him and not showing emotion because he would have learned that showing emotion would simply get him picked on. (Yes, I did copy and paste that phrase. Blogging is hard, ya’ll!) Anyways! Enough about him! This post is about me and me blaming others for my shortcomings!
To close out my opening trilogy of people to place blame, I have to call on my wife. Is it my fault I have so many triggers and hot buttons? Surely she knows them all by now. She has to know what will trigger me into a frustrated rant at the world. All I’m asking for is for her mind the minefield. She knows they are there, tread lightly sister!
My secondary trilogy shall commence with the blaming of my children. They should carry most of the blame because somehow they have learned how to trigger every one of my triggers and push every one of my hot buttons without knowing what those triggers and hot buttons are! I’m sure it is similar to what Agent Smith had to deal with with all his clones in The Matrix movies. They came from him, so they somehow inherently knew what to do to set him off. Now, I’m not of the mind that children should be seen and not heard, but I sometimes wonder if there is some truth in that idea. Would the option be for me to loose my hearing so that I could not hear the beautiful voices of my children, I would probably pass. Were the option to be that my children would all lose the ability to speak, well, that’s just cruel. So, I must conclude that within the realm of options available to us with current technology and scientific understanding, there is not a humane option for this classic bit of parenting to be utilized. But even then, I think it safe to assume that if I were deaf and my kids were mute, they would still figure out a way to rattle my cage and still give me a reason to blame them for my shortcomings!
Fifthly and point number five, I have to blame society. It is that from which we are deemed to be a product of, n’est pas? At least I think I heard that somewhere. Society has placed men in such a quandrifical position. There is no longer a norm for what a “man” is. Too much fluidity in our social norms and colloquial standards have made it increasingly difficult for one to make a stand and shout from his rooftop “I am a man!” I know what I think constitutes a man. But there are other considerations that flavor my standard that are not diametrically opposite of my own. Aspects of a man that better round him out as a whole person and potentially a better person. While some think a man is one who goes out and earns the family bacon every day toiling away at a job, recent times have justified and encouraged the role-swap of the man having the option to stay home while his wife goes out and earns. So much diversity on the scale of masculinity. Trucks or cars, rifles or handguns, books or movies, the dichotomies are never ending! So, this is why society must take a share of the blame for my shortcomings!
I could go on, but I think the poetic waxing has gone on long enough. I’ve got a life-long experience with myself, but sometimes I feel like I don’t know who I am.
Before you go on and start to think that this piece was written as a cathartic rant of what my truth is today, I encourage you to read my other stuff on this blog. I know who the real culprit is for my shortcomings! I know who is really to blame for my triggers and hot buttons. It is you. Yes, you. Don’t act shocked. You read this and encourage this type of behavior from a grown man! I hope you are happy!
******NOTE: Please forgive me, I’m not sure where this writing came from. I discovered it while digging through old drafts. From my minimal (read ‘none’) I found out that this piece was written around 3:36am one Tuesday morning. I was not able to recover the exact date, but I know that I usually tend to get really self-reflective on Tuesdays. As I am currently trying to update my site and build up some content, I am afraid to confess that I am so desperate that I chose to share this draft with you in all it’s disturbing brilliance. Forgive me for drawing you in to what I am sure you thought was a serious post from a person with serious issues to deal with. Feel free to peruse the rest of my writings for some that are a little more trivial and fun! Yay! We’re having a party! Good times!